My right as an NCO

Article 88 of the U.S. Military’s Uniform Code of Military Justice states: “Any commissioned officer who uses contemptuous words against the President, the Vice President, Congress, the Secretary of Defense, the Secretary of a military department, the Secretary of Transportation, or the Governor or Legislature of any State, Territory, Commonwealth, or possession in which he is on duty or present shall be punished as a court-martial may direct.”

The maximum penalty for a violation of Article 88 is a one-year confinement. Basically, an officer can’t speak negatively about any politician above state representative. Although, I believe the lieutenant governor is fair game.

I knew there was a reason I stayed a sergeant. Allow me, briefly, to exercise my rights as a noncommissioned officer:

President Bush is a class A jackass. Vice President Cheney is an evil monkey puppet master. Congress sucks. Donald Rumsfeld eats little children. I would speak contemptuously of the secretaries of all the military departments but they change so quickly, I don't know where to start. Norman Mineta is a jerk. (I have nothing against the Secretary of Transportation, but I’m on a roll. Sorry, Norman.) All the governors and legislators of all the states, territories and commonwealths are scurvy dogs who deserve to get paddled with a wicker switch.

That feels better.